My dad yearned to be a doctor from the moment he saw ol’ Doc Weeks, the county physician, set a leg. At 16, he thumbed his way from Talking Rock, Georgia, to Atlanta, where he worked as an office boy. He was in a hurry. The war was on. Youthful impatience wore down his father, who finally signed the papers so Dad could enlist at 17.

He tested to be an airplane mechanic. Nevertheless, my father bumped into some brass and flatly told them he didn’t want to fight the war with a toolbox. He ended up as a pharmacist’s mate on an LST (landing ship tank). It was his first crack at hands-on healing.

After pulling wounded off Utah Beach on D-Day, Dad transferred to the Pacific Theater. The typhoons terrified more than the kamikazes. The LST crew could bellow clouds of smoke to camouflage the ship from divine-wind…

I am all for the First Amendment. Say what you want. However, if I hear these five words again, I will clamp my hands over my ears. Permanently.

1) “AWESOME!”

After 15 years of verbal assault, this word is still hanging around. If recaptured by film, the spider in Charlotte’s Web may replace “some pig,” “terrific,” or “humble” with “AWESOME!”

Then Wilbur will be required, by courtesy of updated computer tactics, to perform a triple Salchow, triple toe-loop to the thrill of gen z huddled over their mobile devices. If the plucky little pig cannot pull off this feat, Farmer Zuckerman will dispatch him to quick bacon-hood as opposed to glory at the state fair. (Fern did not comment as of presstime.)

2) “You look AMAZING!”

How else would we compliment boney, red-carpet divas, Miss America, Mrs. America, Miss Teen USA, Miss USA, Miss Universe, America’s Top Model, and blushing…